There’s nothing you can say

to me

that I haven’t said to myself,

much harsher,

with blades,

and drugs,

and self spoken hate.


The shame,

and the guilt

eat me alive,

every night my head drops.


I haven’t forgiven myself

for the fights we fought,

the fights I caused,

with my temper,

with my hate,

with the drugs.


You’ve vanished

like the fragile smoke

from the cigarette

that dangles

from my pale lips.


My apology

reaches empty space.


Do you know

that I care

or that I’d have your back

with the demons

that plague you?


Do you know

I’d fight to hear your light voice,

one of your jokes,

behind the scent of

reefer and cigars?

9 thoughts on “Vanished”

  1. Casey, this was truly brilliant and so full of emotions! I am so glad you shared this amazing poem with us! You are so real and truthful and I just LOVED this! I really love poetry and have written so many myself, but have only shared with a handful of people! You are so incredible!!!!!!

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    1. You should share your poetry sometime, Alyssa! No pressure because it took me forever to share mine. I took a poetry class in college & I always felt vulnerable when an entire classroom read something I wrote. But I would deff love to read it. ❤

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