Every year you hit me with a mixed bag of emotions.
September, the month of fall. The month when the gorgeous, dead leaves fall from the towering trees, when the hefty walnuts begin to surround my house and hit my roof at night, lost in a dark abyss, and when the smell of the earth is dying to be reborn again.
September, you’re the month of death and the month of birth.
September 13th was Ricky & I’s 3 year anniversary.
September 15th was 5 years since my Grandma Judy passed away from cancer.
September 17th was my 30th birthday & my neice Acaicia’s 5th birthday.
September 20th was 5 years since my best friend from high school, Andy, committed suicide.
September 15th of this year, this month, my best friend since I was 11, Lacey had(has) to deal with the worst pain someone can go through. Her loving husband committed suicide. Ryan was a bipolar warrior like so many of us.
September is Suicide Awareness Month.
We’ve all been there, on the edge of despair and numbness. With guilt and shame hanging over our heads, our hearts tightened in our chest. Where we think the world, our families, our loved ones, would be better off without yes.
But these thoughts, these feelings, are lies.
Here’s the thing: You matter. You matter so much. Your purpose is more than just existing, it’s to love and be loved. And you’re loved more than you know. You’re strong and you can get through this. You are worthy.
You’re a fucking warrior.
Reach out to your loved ones, call a hotline, drink some soothing tea, do whatever works for you.
Loved ones, when you see someone you love is hurting or distancing themselves, reach out. That’s all you can do. Never blame yourself for their feelings. Don’t internalize it.
Sometimes there’s no hints.
It heavies my heart, knowing someone else is feeling that hopelessness.
You’re not alone in this.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
P.S. Linwood is home!