You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to be helped and isn’t ready to step up.
This is a hard lesson I’ve had to learn over the years. I still struggle with it and it stings to “give up” on someone. It’s not really giving up but I can’t keep using all my mental strength trying to guide someone the right way.
Not that I should be the one to help anyone get their shit together. I’m broken myself. Sometimes I think that’s why I care so much. If I can help someone else, I can heal too.
Does that make me selfish? We’re all a little bit selfish from time to time. It’s like that episode of Friends where Joey tries to prove to Pheobe that there are completely genuine actions without selfish reasoning. He failed.
In my romantic relationships or my close friendships, I’ve always tried to fix things for the people I love. I’ve tried to lend them a hand, whether it’s loaning them money or tough love about them getting their shit together.
This has led to very toxic relationships, particularly in my romantic life. I always dated men with just as many issues (if not more) than myself.
I’d try to “fix” them. I thought love could fix anything. Thanks, Disney.
But the reality is you can’t fix anyone, they have to do that themselves. You can’t help them if they don’t want help.
You can’t lead them to sobriety if they don’t believe they have a problem. Mostly, they don’t’ realize there’s trauma leading them to a bottle or to a glass pipe or a needle.
It’s easier, in the beginning, to pretend you’re okay and move along. I know from experience. For years, I pretended I was okay because even when I did come forward about my pain, I was shot down.
Ignoring that pain is only a temporary bandaid. That trauma, that anger, that resentment will take over. It will sneak up on you and you won’t realize it has control of you.
For once, I took a step back from trying to help someone. It doesn’t mean I don’t love this person any less. Quite the opposite.
When they would act out their trauma under the influence, I’d be triggered. All the behaviors and the pain mirrored my mine. I didn’t want to feel it but my empathy took over.
I tried compassion. I tried tough love.
But they’re not ready to step up. So, what can I do?
I’d love to hear your opinions or experiences with helping people who aren’t ready to be helped. Drop me a comment, lovely people.
As always, love you guys!
Casey Elizabeth Dennis
New YouTube video. It’s just on new scientific research regarding mental illness and genes and a few other articles that I just read.
Let me know what you’d love to see in a mental health channel. I want your all your opinions!