Anxiety Dreaming

I wake up from apocalyptic dreams, my body twisted in the blankets. I'm not scared because this is the 5th end-of-the-world dream I've had since Christmas. Each dream plays out a different scenario. In one dream, we're in the middle of a nuclear war.  In another dream, there's lava spilling onto streets. I've had anxiety… Continue reading Anxiety Dreaming

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Standing Still

We all have this side to us that we can't see because we're too close to it. It's always something profound someone on the outside shows us. A piece of you that you don't understand and you've attempted to push down, deep into the parts of your brain that you've forgotten about. Only, your attempt… Continue reading Standing Still

The Big Words: Childhood Trauma

Validation. Awareness. Relief. Freeing. When my therapist used the words childhood trauma while we were discussing my life growing up, all these strong validating emotions flood over me. The word trauma. That frightening word. I didn’t go through foster homes. I wasn’t physically or sexually abused. So, I minimized my trauma from growing up in… Continue reading The Big Words: Childhood Trauma

Finally Took My Own Advice

I've been stuck between a deep, deep grave of depression, unable to bring myself out of bed. Other days I'm brimming with energy that I can't do much with because my muscles ache, my bones twitch, and my feet burn. Now that I have insurance again, I decided to take my own advice. I'm getting… Continue reading Finally Took My Own Advice

Placing Blame and Assigning Guilt

One of my biggest inner struggles with bipolar disorder is fighting the urge to blame myself for every outside conflict with others. How the hell am I suppose to know whether my angry outburst was valid or if I was overreacting because my brain is at war? It stems from the overused phrases used all… Continue reading Placing Blame and Assigning Guilt